The REAL me...

The other day I was talking to two sweet friends of mine and they were telling how much they love my blog.  I think I am the only blog they read, but still, I enjoyed the compliments.  They were saying how positive it is and I groaned.  Oh dear, I thought, I have failed to do the one thing that I set out to do, and that is to portray a real picture of my life.  How could this happen?

I know how it happened.  I didn't want it to be anything like my real journal where I often pour out my sad and deflated and angry feelings that I try sorta hard not to burden others with.  So this became a place where I could highlight the things I really want to remember, and hope my kids will realize they don't really have as much to tell their future therapists as they might otherwise, because I have documented the positive side of our life.

It's not always positive.

And sometimes, when I feel like this:

I hide in the bathroom and play electronic solitaire.  And then that makes me feel bad because the really righteous people in the world probably still hide in the bathroom, but they probably pray or read their scriptures or something.

Other times I feel like a really bad mom because I fix meals that I'm sure they will eat, instead of always fixing something super nutritious and healthy.  Like the day earlier this summer when we cooked up a bag of fries and at the end of the cooking time we covered them with cheese and bacon bits and that's all we had for lunch.  Oh, the kids did have a gogurt that day, so hopefully that counted for something.

I have also, and I'm telling you to sit down for this, CHEATED at Candy Land.  Sometimes it's like reverse cheating, though because I'll just happen to get the rotten hearts card that sends me all the way back to the beginning but my dear darling will draw the ice cream float that sends them nearly to the other end of the board.  So, it's nice of me to at least let them win, right?

I'm feeling quite uncomfortable in sharing as much as I have, especially knowing that YOU ALL ARE PERFECT and are just nice to me because, well, you are perfect.  Thanks.  I needed that.

I just read Ronelle's comment and had to add another seriously unperfect flaw that I have...I DO laugh when my kids get hurt.  The other day Jack was tossing a pillow onto the wall and throwing his head forward to land on the pillow before it fell to the floor.  When he missed the pillow and I heard the thump I really just could not stop laughing.  I think it stems from a need to laugh more often so that when I start, I can't stop.  If I had been a super good person, let alone mother, I would have maybe cautioned him against playing that game in the first place.  Oh well...